I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
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