you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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