I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
