erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Randomize
