got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Two words: blizzard sex
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
