She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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