today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize