I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
My friends, they love my intelligence
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
