How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
