Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
