Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
