So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
