i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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