just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
