dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You made out with two different species that night
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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