Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
