Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
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