Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize