Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
