My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
