If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
