It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
