I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
