Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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