watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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