Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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