she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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