Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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