My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Just pee around me
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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