im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
