I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
