i may or may not be watching the land before time
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
