How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
