i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
