so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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