I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
we're so committed to being not committed
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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