did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
