god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
