So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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