Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize