In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
