i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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