just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
