Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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