I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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