The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
