I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
