Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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