i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize