The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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