Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
