I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Randomize
