ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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