my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
