I think I am morally bankrupt
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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