I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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