1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
