Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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