I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
