"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
