You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I want a musical about memes.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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