um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
