Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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