weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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