My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
