would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
