New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize