we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize